She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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