Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
