I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
