Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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