I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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