so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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