are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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