I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
