Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It was confusing and full of hummus
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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