Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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