we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am midnight drunk by noon
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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