Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
