Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
