Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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