Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
