i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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