Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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