i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
