All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
