my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize