I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
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i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
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Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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