Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
