So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
