the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
