theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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