I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
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Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
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Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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