"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
