I accidentally had phone sex last night
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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