Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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