Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
