Don't make out with my wife yet
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
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HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I had to cum in my sink.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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