ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
