Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
