you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I will be naked everywhere
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
