idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
