there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
