I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
