you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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