i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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