hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
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He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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