Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
