Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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