Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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