With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
