Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
