all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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