Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
