What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
