I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
