I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
