I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
