I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
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My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i've created a new STD.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.