can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said