But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude