ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating