Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How's your threesome situation going?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.