If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
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2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.