I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
