I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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