By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
