If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
