im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
