I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
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your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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