Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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