Where did you get a picture of my penis
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
