I wish life had little blips of pornography
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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