Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
