worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
